Nature is supreme, we know it, but its another thing to feel it. having come so close to almost consumed by its magnificent fury. With body battered, mind shattered and trip ruined I decided to take a detour. A detour to savoir for and an experience that will help me discover myself. Somebody had said best trips are never planned they happen!.
Although patience and will is a virtue, we had exhibited it in abundance day before yesterday for survival, some think they are like muscle more than virtue and it gets tired after overuse, I couldn't agree more. With no patience and will, I decided to abandon planned trip and instead visit a revered monastery about which I had read a lot about and had a longing to visit. They say you get your calling for such place and perhaps mine had come.
By the time I reached monastery it was afternoon, the splendid structure dates back to 1055 CE. There are some places where you feel at home. I instantly realized, this is one such place.It was so peaceful, so serene, so majestic.
Having traveled in this area for some years I knew that weather is most unpredictable here, so I had developed a habit of looking at the mountains in distance to get a sense of it. I could see a windstorm gathering some steam. The other thing I also learned is there is nothing you can do about bad weather, one has to wait it out, there is no point worrying about it. Which meant I was forced to spend good amount of time inside the monastery till the windstorm is over.
After roaming in and around the monastery taking pictures I decided to sit in main hall to get some rest and possibly a quantum of solace. I couldn't sit still for long and this is a sign for me that my mind is not stable. I was about to get up and go outside when a elderly monk came inside the hall. I say elderly because its difficult to guess their age especially if they are into meditation. Out of respect I decided to sit.
After offering prayers he sat across me with his eyes closed. I thought of leaving again but decided will wait for sometime as I didn't want to disturb him. After some while he opened his eyes, he smiled and struck a conversation, it was essentially who I was, from where I was, how come I came here.I didn't bother to ask anything about him, mostly because I was lost in some thought.
He asked me that there is a storm approaching outside and It appears to him that there is a storm inside my mind as well. I reluctantly acknowledged that it is true. He suggested as anyways we have to kill time owing to storm, I can ask him any questions that's bothering me. I should mention he was full of wit, humor and most importantly very Intelligence. I obliged, but instead of asking questions that were troubling me at that moment I took this opportunity to ask many other questions that had occurred in my mind. Sometimes madness can bring good insights too, moreover I thought it's a futile exercise, So I went berserk,
1. I come to these places because I like these places or the place calls me instead, because I don't know why I travel so much to these places.
2. I lost my grandmother few days back, previous night to the day she died I got that dream, this is because I was closest to her?
3. Is it truly possible to be yourself?
I went on and on, but he interrupted my madness by saying, "All these are good questions, however his religious teaching tells him that the answers to these questions I only have to find, he can be a guide or means". I couldn't comprehend it at that moment, but before I could say something, he asked "What you like doing?" I said "poetry especially Urdu, playing badminton and having tea". He said "Looking at your attire you look like pink flyod fan than a Mehandi Hasan fan". I was dressed in a red t-shirt and blue jeans. I couldn't help but laugh at that and said "Although how good other songs are when it comes to expression and experience nothing comes close to urdu poetry". I continued for a while on this topic for a while and explained how enriching they are. He seemed mighty impressed or he gave a impression like that.
He asked me "Do you notice that you aren't wearing any warm clothes in this freezing temperature, has it occurred to you anytime, you are just dressed like us but in different attire". I couldn't comprehend that as well, but I knew there was something to it, but yes I had realised it many times, I said "May be because I play a lot". I instantly realized I haven't been playing for quite a long time now. He asked "Is it?". I kept quite. This was intriguing stuff, I was enjoying it somehow.
But at least he got me talking and I was feeling bit better in his company. He said as he doesn't know anything about badminton so why don't I tell him some poetry, and explain its meaning. I was wondering did I do mistake by telling him about poetry. While I was thinking that, he asked "Do you want to have tea", it was approaching 2.30 p.m. and I wanted it badly. He asked "Which tea", I said "Butter tea, two cups". He replied "You keep surprising me, nobody likes butter tea from your part of world". I replied "Somehow I like it the most". He asked "Ever you thought why", I replied "No". He called a young monk and told him to get some tea for myself and called him back to tell him get two pots of tea and excused himself for sometime. When the young monk came I inquired about the elderly monk. What he told me got me sweating, he was the revered head monk of that Buddhist sect who would travel across region, its not that always he is there. I asked young monk "Why two pots of tea". He replied "His ways are mysterious".
I wiped out as much sweat I could before he came back and hoped he would forget about poetry and my nonsense, I was eager to run away. But I was always running away, so thought lets see whats coming. The storm was in its full flow now. Soon he arrived and proclaimed "I am all eager to listen and understand some poetry".I shivered, my throat had became dry out of sheer reverence to him, I nodded yes".
On trips I always carried my book in which I have written all poetry, gazals I have liked and taken notes about translation. There were days when night seemed long and being alone and not wanting to be lonely, I would read them, sleeping under clear sky looking at stars was a mesmerizing experience. I told him it has been years since I have narrated any translation but will try my best. I began to open my bag when he said "lets go to main hall", I said "This place is fine too". He said "Knowledge should be shared with everybody and should not be confined". I didn't quite understand it. But reluctantly followed him to main hall.
I was taken aback by what I saw there, there were around 20-25 monks sitting on the floor waiting for elderly monk, they stood up when he arrived and bowed, he instructed them to sit. They were all dressed in maroon/red robes, seated in nice formation. Elderly monk sat in front row and instructed me to sit on the high rise seat in front. I have gone cold by now, the effect of tea had gone and my throat had began to dry again.
Somehow I got a feeling that elderly monk knows what he is doing, he can't be so stupid and wasting his and others time and making a joke of myself. Its also not that I am averse to taking in front of people, I had done plays and had this translation sessions, but somehow his presence was overwhelming, and also somewhere I had lost my mojo that compounded the problem. I uncomfortably sat on the seat and it was odd feeling to sit on a high seat in front of the elderly monk. I was sweating like a pig by now. Elderly monk came to rescue, he said "Son, we are all monks, we practice what you guys call mindfulness, we don't judge, we just wander along, just be yourself!". There was laughter around and I could gather myself, sometimes to my surprise I can gather myself rather quickly. I looked around all of them looked so happy and keen to listen, they were not aware of my insecurities, somehow I realized their happiness was kind of infectious. Elderly monk spoke "We have a lama from far way place, and he would narrate poetry and would also teach its meaning, so learn and ask lot of questions", they went in chorus, "Its good to learn always". They were clapping, somehow I was so happy to see them so enthusiastic.
I thought about the times when we had done impromptu plays and decided I wouldn't disappoint them, I have to be myself. I took out my book, and asked them how much time I have, elderly monk said about an hour. I asked them do you have Bluetooth speakers, to my surprise they had really good one, left there by a visiting tourist. I took my Iphone and connected to speaker. I thought I will play gazals, poetry and explain its meaning.
I looked outside from the window for a while, I had calmed down, somehow my mind was still. I realized the elderly monk has pulled a nice trick, he knew me so well!!. Looking at me elderly monk said you already looking like a lama, somebody from back said "iphone lama". Everybody was laughing, I asked them tell me any topics you have in mind for poetry. Elderly monk was quick "We are monks, I am a old one, tell me about love", the place had began to erupt with smiles and laughter. Some said life, some said spirituality, some said happiness.
I looked outside thought for a while and said lets talk about life. Elderly monk said "No, love, life we can handle it". Everybody laughed. I looked outside the window again, but another window this time, it was a symbolic shift, like how you look at life differently. I saw the flowering season has started, I could see the wild flowers in its magnificent colors, I thought I didn't realize this all these days during my trek, this is what I wanted to see, flowering season in this holy place. I scrolled through the list on iPhone and I said "What a coincidence", Elderly monk asked "What.". I said "Flowering season has arrived finally". He asked "So have you.." and I played soulful rendition of "Baharon ko chaman, yaad aa gaya hain..".
By the time we were done with the poetry narration it was around 6.30 p.m., this went for almost four hours and I saw many more had joined in the hall and lot of butter tea pots around. I had lost sense of time, I had gone in trans, so were they, it has not happened in a while and somehow we were not tired.
Elderly monk took me to prayer hall, he told me you have enthralled us for so long, sometimes it was spellbinding, sometimes surreal and mostly intoxicating and it evoked so much emotions from an Monk which is not that easy, if you can intoxicate me you can intoxicate many. You touched so many subjects and I learned so much today". I was beginning to wonder he was flattering, and just then he said "You think I am false praising you right". I didn't say anything. He took out a book from his robe and showed all the notes he had taken. He said "I underestimated you for first half hour, so missed the notes, its my loss,my apologies, one should always learn". I didn't knew what to say. Just then he addresses the most important thing for me.
He said "Soon it will be dark and you have to leave, so let me not waste more time,"He continued "So with such craft he asked what is troubling you", before I could say my usual "Nothing", He said "I know what is the problem, You think people don't share your enthusiasm for many things and you believe somewhere it is because you cannot express it clearly so that they don't understand it and yet you never thought everybody cannot comprehend these things no matter what you do".
He asked again "Do you see the problem, and answer honestly without inhibitions". I replied "Yes, People would usually try to confine, consume you, and with that often times cannot encompass you and it leads to misery". He replied "Exactly", I asked "but what is the way". He asked a counter question "What you think". I replied "One should wander away..", He said "Correct, wander away, always, not in such cases alone, and eventually some will wander along with you and then you can intoxicate them with your enthusiasm, otherwise just intoxicate yourself".
However cryptic it was I learned what was wrong with me all these while. I asked him you knew everything and you played out an act so that I learn. He replied "Like you explained in one of your narrations, Sometimes a student meets a teacher, but sometimes teacher can meet student also". I asked "What was this", He asked "Does it matter", I said "No, only learning matter". He said "You can be my student,if you want, don't worry, you don't have to shave your head and wear red robe and stay here". I replied "It would be my pleasure". He said "It would be his pleasure to hear more poetry". I thought I haven't seen more humble person. I was wondering in my little mind why he is helping me so much. He said "I know whats going through your mind, does it matter". I said "No,It doesn't". He said "I am just wandering along with you". We both laughed.
He asked do you write, I said not much, He said "Do write", I asked "Write about", He said "About poetry, this experience, anything you feel like, it doesn't matter". I asked "Who would read it". He replied "People prefer left over guitars to live chords". However ironic that comment was but I couldn't agree more. I said "As you say", He said "I would read it", I said "That is enough for me".
He took me back to prayer hall and whispered something in my ear. I touched his feet. I looked outside, the storm had gone and so the one in my mind. He told me to leave before its dark, he came to drop me till door, and said always remember like they say in your generation "You live only twice", we both smiled, I understood what he meant by that, I again touched his feet, he gave me a hug and kept his hand on my head, and also remember, what a legendary monk said thousand year back, I replied "light up your corner of the world". He asked "Did you find answers to your questions". I replied "No, the questions have vanished". He smiled and waved me good bye and said "Come back home sometime and intoxicate us with poetry". I said "I will".
As I climbed down the numerous steps with the majestic monastery in background I told myself.. I will always wander, not to be confined nor consumed because "You only live twice".
P.S.
I had read about this place which said "The person who enters and leaves this place is not the same" , It was indeed true at-least in my case.
